


As if I Deserve You

by InkuisitivSkins



Series: Tumblr Drabbles / Prompts [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Friendship/Love, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 14:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12559968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkuisitivSkins/pseuds/InkuisitivSkins
Summary: Burdened by her past and present, Riza struggles with newfound feelings for the infamous Briggs general. Over the course of several months, despite the distance between them, letters are shared, and even Olivier learns to come out from behind the walls she had set up around herself so long ago, finding the strength to allow herself to love.





	As if I Deserve You

**Author's Note:**

> For a "Fanfic prompts" askmeme on tumblr, #2 -- "You love me as if I deserve you." Sent in by gardengeisha, thank you! <3
> 
> Ok so I’ll admit it took a little plotting out to get a good idea for this one! I had never read or written any fic about this ship (though I do like it!) and I also haven’t ever written Riza save for tiny cameos in things, so I’m still a little nervous about if I got her in-character enough. Like, I love Riza, but there’s a reason I’ve only written Livmiles? If I was going to write something with her, it would be Royai, but even then, the fact still remains that I feel like I don’t know her as well as I should xD It’s kind of pitiful and funny at the same time that I’m worried about her being in character rather than Liv considering Liv is the one with less screen time and character development lmao. Still, if I didn’t and Riza’s ooc at all, I really apologize ;;;;
> 
> I was super excited for this ask though, because I’ve been wanting to try new ships like this :D So thank you so much for the ask and I hope you like it! I just decided on the idea of them falling in love rather than them already being together at the end of the fic, because I wanted to explore how their relationship would have started. It’s canon that Olivier likes Riza (and Havoc, for some reason haha) when she mentions that she doesn’t care about what happens to Roy, so I decided to use that. Also, enjoy Roy being annoying haha

She watched the general from her bench in silence. While joint training sessions had been held between the Eastern Command and Briggs troops before, this was the first that she had been present for. In times past, the colonel would have her stay in the office with him, and they would work on paperwork-- however, Roy had requested to participate in the training exercises this year, and naturally, he brought his adjutant with him.  
  
Riza sipped her water as she awaited Roy’s call to fall in beside him. The East soldiers milled about around her, resting for a few minutes before the exercise would begin. Some talked amongst themselves, while others did the same as her; watching the Briggs men in silent awe.   
  
The Briggs general gave her soldiers only a few brief moments of rest between drills. The actual joint exercises had not even started yet, Riza noted; she was making her soldiers practice even before then. She didn’t even let them sit down during their short rests; she’d keep them in formation, at ease, allowing them to get a drink only if they requested permission prior. Even then, she would _time_ them as they ran off, quenched their thirst, and ran back to her, before saluting and requesting to rejoin the platoon.  
  
The Eastern Command soldiers around her would mutter to themselves about how iron-hard of a fist the female general ruled with, how scary she was-- Riza even heard one man say under his breath that he was glad he wasn’t under her command, calling her a derogatory name in addition.  
  
The first lieutenant shot him a nasty look, causing him to shut up, warning him about the need to respect higher-up officers. Though, in the moment, she couldn’t help the way her own thoughts contradicted those of her peers-- she wasn’t sure what _they_ had been watching, but what she had seen was an excellent display of one of the highest forms of military prowess.   
  
Not one Briggs soldier rolled their eyes, sighed, or pulled a face when their leader would shout an order. They moved as one body, their form impeccable, and intimidating. Just through their actions, she could tell how deeply their respect for their commander was. It was admirable, and Riza could not take her eyes off of the impressive display.   
  
Not only from the Briggs soldiers, but, primarily, their general. Looking the whole part of a high-up military commander, one step below a potential spot in the Fuhrer’s cabinet, the highest-ranked woman in the military-- she was obviously very stoic, and fearsome, and _regal_ .    
  
The Eastern soldier was so distracted, she didn’t even notice her commanding officer step up beside the bench she was sitting on.   
  
“Lieutenant, are you about ready to start?” Roy asked, slightly startling her. Inwardly, she cursed herself for dropping her guard; something she always prided herself in holding strong.   
  
She looked up at him, “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”  
  
“I’m just going to do a quick inspection before we join our platoons, since the actual competitive drills are later, if you wanted to go ahead and join me. Armstrong wanted us to do a few combined ones before then, and I don’t want us to get embarrassed if our men are looking shabby compared to hers,” He smiled amusedly to himself. “Though, I don’t think there's’ any topping that form of theirs, huh?”  
  
“No, sir,” Riza replied simply, stealing one last glance at the general as she yelled at her men, as authoritative commanding as a superior officer could seemingly get.  
    
Roy followed her gaze, a small smile creeping up onto his features, “You haven’t been properly introduced yet. Let’s go say hello.”  
  
“That won’t be necessary, Colonel,” the blonde said, a little too quickly; solidifying Roy’s hypothesis.  
  
“I insist, Lieutenant. She’s a peach,” he spoke, his inflection sarcastic and playful as he started towards the Briggs soldiers.   
  
Hesitantly, yet over-obedient, Riza stood, following her commanding officer.   
  
“Olivier,” the colonel greeted once within earshot. The general, from behind, seemed to flinch at the sound of his voice, slowly turning to glance at him with one of the most sour expressions that Riza had ever seen; one to rival her own, in fact.  
  
He saluted her once she turned, Riza reflecting his gesture out of protocol and respect to a higher officer.  
  
“What do you want?” Olivier scowled back at him. “I’m busy.”  
  
“Just wanted to introduce you to my adjutant, General,” he smiled, lowering his salute. “We three will be working closely with one another, I thought it best to go ahead and have our introductions.”  
  
Olivier’s gaze flicked over to Riza, and the lieutenant immediately knew where she got her infamous name-- the Ice Queen. Her blue eyes were cold; the color a frozen-over lake, the ice thin, revealing the hue beneath.   
  
“This is First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, sharpest shooter you’ll ever find,” his dark eyes darted between the two blonde women. “Lieutenant, Major General Olivier Armstrong.”  
  
“It’s nice to finally meet you, ma’am,” She greeted the general, retaining her typical stoicism.  
  
Olivier gave her a small nod in greeting, Riza noticing her anger dissipate for a moment, before shortly returning upon her looking back unto Roy.   
  
“I don’t ever want my first name to come out of your filthy mouth again, Mustang. Now, you had better rally up your men, or mine are starting without yours,” she scowled, spinning back around and calling an order, slightly more forceful than she had been before.   
  
Roy spun as well, heading back over to the East soldiers, Riza in tow, unaware of his smirk.  
  
“If I didn’t know any better, sir, I’d say you knew the general beyond simply being officer comrades,” She offered carefully, walking slightly behind him, to his right, attempting to read his expression from the back of his head.  
  
“Chris has known the Armstrong family for longer than I’ve been alive,” Roy responded without turning back to her as he referenced his aunt. “I mean, she knows _everyone_ , so that’s not too big of a surprise, but the general and I have at least been acquainted for quite some time.”  
  
He stopped, allowing Riza a moment to take her place beside him, “It doesn’t seem like she likes you at all, sir.”  
  
“She doesn’t,” he chuckled nervously, before smiling gently to himself. “Seems like she likes you, though.”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“She hardly lets anyone call her ‘ma’am’.”  
  
Riza blinked, brown eyes widening slightly, “Was I not supposed to?”  
  
Ignoring her, Roy called the East soldiers to fall in in front of him, beginning their inspection, leading into their training.

 

It was later on, during their lunch break, when Riza finally got a moment to speak with the general. They sat at their own table, away from the other officers; and, miraculously, it had been Olivier who approached _her_ , asking if she could sit with her. The lieutenant was unsure about if it was because she had been alone at her own table, Roy having a conversation with someone else back in the mess line, or what. Frankly, she was appreciative of the company, even if Olivier had remained silent, eyes downturned to her food, for the first ten minutes of them sitting together.  
  
It was the first lieutenant who struck up a conversation, complementing the major general on how well-behaved her soldiers were. Olivier’s response was short, and polite, but very obviously guarded. Wanting her to feel more comfortable, Riza continued talking with her, and while the conversation was rather one-sided at the start, the Briggs soldier gradually opened up somewhat, the Eastern sniper noticed. She knew the general wasn’t quiet out of shyness; she was typically an excellent judge in character, and she could tell that the other blonde was just calm, and calculating.   
  
Before she knew it, their break was over, and their conversation had to stop.   
  
However, that was not the end.

 

Over the course of the East-Briggs joint training session, they timidly grew closer. Riza noticed that her and Olivier could relate on many occasions; probably something the general had never found in someone else before, she guessed. While Riza had experienced discrimination in the military, once she got to know the other woman, she learned how much _she_ had also endured. Olivier, on the other hand, was in Ishval _before_ the Civil War began, only sent to police the area during initial conflicts, but before the fatal shooting of the Ishvalan child, so she was not in the active, brutal combat-- while Riza, however, was in the thick of it.  
  
Now matter how much she wished to forget about it, that fact always returned to her. However, having someone else who understood hardship throughout multiple complex layers of her career, Riza was comforted somewhat.  
  
The admiration she watched the general with soon evolved into something more than career-oriented respect. It was a sinking pit in her chest, the stray flutter of a heartbeat; unexplained. This was foreign to her; she’d like to consider her a friend, though none of her other female friends ever evoked such feelings within her. She didn’t know what was wrong.   
  
The sinking feeling only grew worse once Olivier had to leave, bringing her men back up to their snowy fortress to further defend their northern border. Their farewell short, Olivier having been rather rancorous due to Roy being present during their goodbyes, which resulted in Riza being unable to say something about it.   
  
That, plus she was afraid. Above all else, she respected Olivier, and did wish to harm the initially unsteady friendship that had developed between them. Not to mention, the latter was her superior officer-- not directly, of course, but she was still Olivier’s subordinate in a sense. It was illegal.   
  
Still, a few months after Olivier’s departure, Riza found it in herself to send a letter, trying to drop hints. She was not expecting anything to come of it but her own closure for getting her feelings off her chest in the most subtle way and wording she thought possible. If anything, she wanted to keep their _friendship_ alive.   
  
What she did not expect was the eagerness on the general’s part to continue their correspondence. Also a very subtle show emotion, of course, for they were similar in that way. She knew the fact that Olivier returned her letters _at all_ already showed that she very much cared to remain friends.   
  
And Riza would gladly take that.

 

Several months into their letter exchange, Roy’s team was transferred to Central. Being adaptable, the change was rather easy on Riza, yet their was a hiccup in their conversations due to the address change. Though she knew it wasn’t either of their faults, the doubt slowly began to creep in; a new letter should be here by now, perhaps Olivier did not wish to speak with her any longer. Had the first lieutenant changed for the worse? She _wa_ s getting more engrossed in her work, and the distance between her and her friend was a difficult burden to bear, after having grown so close to her just through written correspondence alone. However, just as she had always told herself, she would respect Olivier’s boundaries, if that were the case.  
  
As her hopes slowly faded, she finally received a letter to her new address; Olivier confiding in her the fact that she was soon being forced to travel to Central for a meeting.  
  
Riza couldn’t help but feel a rare pang of delight in her stomach as her brown eyes scanned the beautiful calligraphy of the northern general.

 

During Olivier’s visit to Riza’s apartment, she had to hold back her excitement.  
  
The Briggs soldier sat down on her couch, glancing curiously around the lieutenant’s living area, “Simple, I like it.”  
  
“Thank you,” Riza smiled gently, skillfully stomaching her nervousness. “I’m so glad you’re here, it’s great to see you again.”  
  
For the first time she had seen, Olivier returned the smile. It was a very small expression, but present nonetheless, “I’m happy to see you, too. Sure beats having to wait for the post to get letters back and forth.”  
  
Nodding gently, Riza offered her a drink, to which Olivier happily agreed to. As she began making the general’s coffee, she continued, “How are things at Briggs?”  
  
Olivier’s sigh granted her a glance from the other woman, “Fine. The weather hasn’t been in pleasant, so the mail is only just now fixing itself. I’m glad you got my most recent letter, but I’m sorry you missed some of the others.”  
  
“Not your fault,” Riza mustered up a pleasant tone. “Did I miss anything important?”  
  
Olivier shook her head, though Riza had her back turned as she prepared her drink, “Nothing, just checking in. I wanted to make sure you were settling in alright, but I suppose the weather plus the whole moving situation didn’t really mix well. I hope the move wasn’t hard on you, and everything went smoothly.”  
  
This brought a gentle smile to Riza’s lips, “I’m very thankful I have a friend like you, Olivier.”  
  
She avoided telling her how kind she was, just to avoid the unavoidable contradiction from her. She knew Olivier had a heart beneath the ice, thought that ice was what kept her and her men safe and strong up in one of Amestris’s most dangerous and dangerously unpredictable regions.   
  
“Don’t mention it,” Olivier shrugged lightheartedly.  
  
“No, really,” Riza turned back to her, the mug held delicately in her hands as she carefully made her way to the couch. Olivier reached out to take the coffee, gingerly taking it from the lieutenant, their fingers lightly brushing against one another. Upon noticing that the other woman had paused, staring at her, Olivier looked back up into Riza’s brown eyes, her own gaze inquisitive and questioning.  
  
Riza breathed in deeply, fully unaware of what she was about to say. She wanted the other woman to know how much she had grown to care about her, and how much she appreciated her friendship-- a side she knew was seldom witnessed among the Briggs soldiers.  
  
“You’ve been so kind to me, and I feel like you shouldn’t. You love me as if I deserve you.”  
  
In an attempt to soothe the general’s somewhat surprised expression, Riza gave a lighthearted laugh, trying to ease the seriousness of what she just said. That probaby wasn't the best word choice she could've used, and all at once, she feared that she had given away her feelings.   
  
“What makes you say that?”  
  
The question caused Riza to falter. She did love Olivier, and while she didn’t believe she reciprocated, she _had_ meant platonic love, in this specific instance.  
  
“I just… Sometimes, I don’t feel like I deserve to have friends. I’ve done so many horrible things, so I suppose whenever something good comes into my life, I latch onto it,” Brown eyes turned to the carpet in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. Is the coffee okay?”  
  
Though she tried to change the subject, Olivier continued looking up at her for a moment, before carefully setting the mug down in front of her, “You don’t think I’ve done horrible things, too?”  
  
Riza was silent.   
  
" You’ve been the closest friend I’ve had in a very long time, Riza,” it was her turn to glance away. “My whole life, I’ve been used to maintaining these walls I’ve set up around me. We’ve both done many things we aren’t proud of, but we’ll pay for them in due time, when the opportunities present themselves. You may think you’re not deserving of me, but I feel the same way.”  
  
She stood, the two women now eye-to-eye, thanks to their similar height. “We both deserve to be happy in the moment. I tend to pride myself in the fact that I read people rather well, Riza, and forgive me if I’m somehow mistaken in thinking you’d agree, but,” her eyes searched hers, and while her voice was level and calm, Riza detected a flash of nervousness in her gaze.   
  
“I’d like to be more than friends. I feel comfortable around you, and you’re one of the few people who actually make me happy. When I read your letters, even though you weren’t at Briggs with me, I felt like I wasn’t alone. My men respect me, yes, but we’re still fundamentally different than one another. I never fit in with the crowd, but you make me feel as if I’m not an outlier or some sort of black sheep.”  
  
The Eastern soldier stood in stunned silence for a moment, causing the general to continue, her tone wavering with uncertainty, “If not, I understand.”  
  
A wave of relief washed over Riza all at once, and she involuntarily let out a sigh, wholly surprised. She honestly hadn’t expected this, “I can’t believe you feel the same way.”  
  
Olivier offered her a small comforting smile, Riza unable to read the other blonde’s own hidden surprise. The Briggs officer tensed nervously the moment the lieutenant gently wrapped her arms around her in a hug.   
  
“Thank you, Olivier,” she spoke softly.   
  
Olivier returned her embrace, the gesture somewhat awkward since the general wasn’t a very _touchy_ person, though Riza was aware, so didn’t mind in the slightest, “For what?”  
  
“Everything,” Riza smiled to herself. “I’m just so happy, I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. I’ve felt this way for so long, but I was so afraid…”  
  
“I understand,” The other woman replied. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”  
  
Riza shook her head as she held her, a soft laugh coming forth, “I had no idea you felt this way. I was always so nervous about giving myself away somehow.”  
  
“That’s just after a lifetime’s worth of practice in hiding,” Olivier smiled to herself. “Though you’re very good at it, too. I had a feeling in the back of my mind for so long, but I never wanted to bring it up, just in case I was wrong. I didn’t want to drive you away.”  
  
The Eastern soldier’s head shook gently again. She embraced her a little tighter, wanting to be affectionate due to her overwhelming relief-borne happiness, though all while respecting Olivier’s uneasy space. Finally, she spoke once more;

  
“All that matters now is that we’re together. You were worth the wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I hope you enjoyed! I really like seeing Olivier in all sorts of different ships, so this was really interesting for me to try :D I just wish I was more confident in writing Riza lmao. Either way, if you enjoyed, please don't hesitate to leave a kudos and/or comment!


End file.
